Darwin Awards 2005

Darwin Awards 2005

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwi= n Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners= :

1. = When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended = victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried= the trigger again. This time it worked.....

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. = The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-c= utting machine and, after a little h= opping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for him= self. He tried the machine and lost a finger.

The chef's claim was approved.

3. = A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his= car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandab= ly, he shot her.

4. = After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompeten= ce, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a f= ree ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were= very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for= 3 days.

5. = An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from ser= ious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he w= as hit

6. = A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the cler= k and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got fro= m the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is= a crime committed?)

7. = Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and he= aved it over his head at the window. = The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking h= im unconscious. The liquor store= window was made of Plexiglas. The wh= ole event was caught on video tape.

8. = As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a m= an grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. = Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove b= ack to the store the thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there f= or a positive ID. To which he repl= ied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's t= he lady I stole the purse from."

9. = The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked i= nto a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him do= wn because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, t= he clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

= A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

10. When a m= an attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, = he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next t= o a motor home near spilled sewage. A p= olice spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering human kind please share these with your friends and family ... unless of course o= ne of these 10 individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend= . In that case be glad they are dista= nt and hope they remain lost.