Dear President Bush:
I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and extended
family, and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across the border from the
U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements. I know you can help with this.
I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports,
immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure
they handle those things the same way you do here.
So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente Fox,
that I'm on my way over? Please let him
know that I will be expecting the following:
1. Free medical care
for my entire family.
2. English-speaking
government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or
not.
3. All government forms
need to be printed in English.
4. I want my kids to be
taught by English-speaking teachers.
5. Schools need to
include classes on American culture and history.
6. I want my kids to
see the American flag flying on the top of the flag pole at their school with
the Mexican flag flying lower down.
7. Please plan to feed
my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.
8. I will need a local
Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.
9. I do not plan to
have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic
laws.
10.
In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo
from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak
English.
11.
I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals
on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative
comments from the locals.
12.
I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes,
and don't enforce any labor laws or tax laws.
13.
Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice
and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on
the economy.
I know this is an easy request because you already do all these
things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that Pres. Fox won't mind returning
the favor if you ask him nicely.
However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go
quail hunting with your V.P.
Thank you so much for your kind help.
Sincerely,
Here is a second version that someone has copy wrote for
themselves:
MR. PRESIDENT, I'M HEADED TO MEXICO
David M. Bresnahan
April 1, 2006
NewsWithViews.com
Dear President Bush:
I'm planning a little trip with my family and extended family, and
I'd like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to
walk across the
border from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements.
I know you can help with this.
I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration
quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the
same way you do
here.
So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente
Fox, that I'm on my way over? Please
let him know that I will be expecting
the following:
1. Free medical care for my entire family, and free education for my
children.
2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might
need, whether I use them or not.
3. All government forms need to be printed in English.
4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.
5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.
6. I 'd like my kids to see the American flag
flying on the top of the
flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down.
7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.
8. I'll need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy
access to government services.
9. If I change my mind and decide to drive us across, we'll be in
our old
Ford station wagon with rusted out fenders and a broken
windshield.
I don't plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort
to learn local traffic laws.
10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo
from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all police
officers speak English.
11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals on
my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I
do not want any
complaints or negative comments from the locals.
12. I would also like to have a job without paying any taxes, and
don't enforce any labor or tax laws.
13. Please tell all the people in the country to be nice and to never
say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on
the social infrastructure or the tax base.
I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things
for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I
am sure that
Pres. Fox won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.
However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail
hunting with your V.P.
Thank you so much for your kind help.
Sincerely,
David M. Bresnahan
2006 David M. Bresnahan - All Rights Reserved