Now I know what Dave does in his spare time.....giggle....
RETIREMENT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE BORING!!!
Dear Mrs. Bates,
Over the past six
months, your husband, Mr. George
Bates, has been causing quite a
commotion in our
store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and
have considered banning
your entire family from
shopping in any of our
stores. We have documented all
these incidents with our
video surveillance equipment.
Three of our clerks are now attending
counseling for
the emotional stress
caused from the trouble your
husband has created. All of our complaints
against Mr.
Bates have
been compiled and are listed below.
Mr. Wally Zimbrowski,
Wal-Mart Complaint Department
Carthage, MO
MEMO
Re: Mr. George Bates Complaints - Things Mr. Bates has done while his wife is shopping:
1. June
15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and
randomly put them in people's carts when they were not looking.
2. July
2: Set all the alarm clocks in
Housewares to individually go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July
7: Made a trail of pineapple juice on
the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. July
19: Walked up to an employee and told
her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in house wares . . .
and watched to see what would happen.
5. August
4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to
put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. September
14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign
to a carpeted area.
7. September
15: Set up a tent in the camping
department and told other shoppers he would invite them in if they would bring
pillows from the bedding department.
8. September
23: When a clerk asks if they can help
him, he begins to cry and asks, Why can't you people
just leave me alone?'
9. October
4: Looked right into the security
camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. November
10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. December
3: Darted around the store suspiciously
while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December
6: In the auto department, he practiced
his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. December
18: Hid in a clothing rack and when
people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK
ME!"
14. December
21: When an announcement came over the
loud speaker, he fell to the floor in the fetal position and while loudly
sucking his thumb, screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
(And, last, but not least!)
15. December
23: Went into a fitting room, shut the
door and waited several minutes. Then, yelled, very
loudly, "There's no toilet paper in here!"