Southerners
·
Only a Southerner
knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit,
and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH” them.
· Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard
greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
· Only a Southerner can show or point out to you
the general direction of "yonder."
·
Only a Southerner
knows exactly how long "directly" is ... as in: "Going to
town, be back directly."
·
Even Southern babies
know that "Gimme some sugar" is not
a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little
bowl in the middle of the table.
·
All Southerners know
exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the
concept well.
·
Only a Southerner
knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got
trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad.
If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large
banana puddin!
·
Only Southerners grow
up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a
right far piece." They also know that "just down the
road" can be 1 mile or 20.
·
Only a Southerner,
both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
·
No true Southerner
would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going
to make a turn.
·
A Southerner knows
that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
·
Only Southerners make
friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're
"in line," ... we talk to everybody!
·
Put 100 Southerners in
a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by
marriage.
·
In the South, y'all
is singular, .. all y'all is plural.
·
Southerners know grits
come from corn and how to eat them.
·
Every Southerner knows
tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red
eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a
breakfast food.
·
When you hear someone
say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you
know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
·
Only true Southerners
say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet
tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea
unsweetened. "Sweet milk"
means you don't want buttermilk.
·
And a true Southerner
knows you don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the
freeway. You just say, “Bless her heart"
... and go your own way.
·
To those of you who
are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent
revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
·
And to those of you
who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff... Bless your hearts; I hear they are fixin' to
have classes on Southernness as a second language!
·
And for those who are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all
y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads:
"I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."