TO MY DEAR WIFE:
During
the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I
have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of
why I did not succeed more often:
v
54
times the sheets were clean
v
17
times it was too late
v
49
times you were too tired
v
20
times it was too hot
v
15
times you pretended to be sleep
v
22
times you had a headache
v
17
times you were afraid of waking the baby
v
16
times you said you were too sore
v
12
times it was the wrong time of the month
v
19
times you had to get up early
v
9
times you said weren't in the mood
v
7
times you were sunburned
v
6
times you were watching the late show
v
5
times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
v
3
times you said the neighbors would hear us
v
9
times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did
succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
v
6
times you just laid there.
v
8
times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling.
v
4
times you told me to hurry up and get it over with.
v
7
times I had to wake you and tell you I finished.
v
1
time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.
After
a letter like this don’t you expect a nice apologetic reply?
NOPE
KEEP
READING.......
==========================================================
TO MY DEAR
HUSBAND:
I
think you have things a little confused.
Here are the reasons you
didn't get more than you did:
v
5
times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat.
v
36
times you did not come home at all.
v
21
times you didn't cum.
v
33
times you came too soon.
v
19
times you went soft before you got in.
v
38
times you worked too late.
v
10
times you got cramps in your toes.
v
29
times you had to get up early to play golf.
v
2
times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls.
v
4
times you got it stuck in your zipper.
v
3
times you had a cold and your nose was running.
v
2
times you had a splinter in your finger.
v
20
times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day.
v
6
times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book.
v
98
times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV.
Of the times we did get
together:
v
The
reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
v
I
wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you
prefer me on my back or kneeling.”
v
The
time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
Sometimes many folks only see one side!
Sure
does make you wonder, don’t it?
v
If you read
this on a Sunday, wish for a good week
v
If you read
this on a Monday, wish for money
v
If you read
this on a Tuesday, wish for love
v
If you read
this on a Wednesday, wish for success
v
If you read
this on a Thursday, wish for anything you want
v
If you read
this on a Friday, wish for a really hot date
v
If you read
this on a Saturday, wish for an important phone call